Category Archives: introverts

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Marcy Phelps headshot

Episode 020: Marcy Phelps–Designing Your Career Around Your Introversion

Category:introversion,introverts,Podcast

Episode 020 Show Notes: Marcy Phelps

Introduction

Marcy Phelps headshot

Marcy Phelps and Ben Woelk talk about how she’s designing her career as a PI around her introversion, and networking at conferences.

Key concepts

  • Career goals may change when exposed to new options
  • You can build a career that suits your temperament
  • Conferences can be both draining and rewarding
  • Networking may not be what you think it is

Quotable

I think I’ve designed my career pretty much around my introversion. I found out early on that working in an office. I was actually trained as a teacher. I found that being with all those people all day was so physically and emotionally draining that it was hard to actually get work done.

We as introverts, we don’t really like to shine the light on ourselves that much. So we focus on others a lot, and I think we’re in general, pretty good listeners.

I think as an entrepreneur you have to be really  attuned to client needs. You can’t say this is how we do things. You have to do them according to what clients need them done.

I think actually being a speaker helps. When you’re speaking at a conference, people will introduce themselves to you. So it’s kind of nice in that respect.

You mention networking, and people think big event and you’re wearing a name tag. Trying to make conversations with people you don’t know. But networking basically just means building and maintaining a group or a network.

Resources or Products Mentioned in this Episode

Links

Transcript

Ben: Joining us today is Marcy Phelps. As the founder and president of Denver-based Marcy Phelps and Associates, Inc. (formerly Phelps Researching), Marcy helps clients manage risk and prevent fraud. She started her firm in 2000 after earning a Master’s degree in Library and Information Services from the University of Denver, and is a Colorado-licensed private investigator and a Certified Fraud Examiner. Marcy blogs about investigative research at www.marcyphelps.com/blog. You can contact Marcy through the blog or on LinkedIn as Marcy Phelps. I encourage our listeners to visit Hope for the Introvert.com where you’ll find complete show notes including a transcript of today’s conversation.

Ben: Hi Marcy. I’m really excited you’re joining us today. Looking forward to chatting with you. Can you tell us about your job? And what does it mean to be an investigative researcher and what is your workplace like?

Marcy: An investigative researcher uses available information either on the web or sometimes through conversations–interviews–to answer our client’s questions. I’m not the kind of PI that’s out doing surveillance. I’m most likely sitting here in front of the computer checking up through public records, other public sources and not so public sources. That’s pretty much what an investigator searches. And my workplace,  I absolutely love. I’ve worked from home and my home office is just sunny and I have a great view, and I have two dogs that keep me company and bark at people. And I really enjoy working here. It’s very conducive to focus, which I I need for my job.

Ben: Yeah, I understand that. So you work as a licensed private investigator, but not like the type of PI that does surveillance. So your clients aren’t really individuals. Right?

Marcy: Exactly. I work for corporations, law firms, sometimes, nonprofit associations. But I don’t work directly with individuals, so I’m not chasing somebody’s deadbeat husband–that type of work that’s more corporate work–due diligence investigations, and asset investigations, that type of work. It’s focused on fraud–fraud prevention or identifying fraud.

Ben: So how did you go from getting a master’s degree in library and information sciences or information services, excuse me, to doing what you’re doing now?

Marcy: It’s been a quite a pivot–actually a few pivots. In grad school I just knew I didn’t want to be that typical librarian in a public library. I think public librarians do great work. I’m not suited for it. And, I just wasn’t quite sure what that looked like–what non traditional librarianship would look like. And then I was offered a position. My last year in school, someone asked if I wanted to join a project to create an online library, a virtual library for online learners. And, it was fascinating work and very innovative at the time in 1999. And I said, “Well, if they’re going to pay me to work from home and do research, who else would?”, and about that time I found out about AIIP, The Association of Independent Information Professionals, and I found that there were a bunch of people who were doing the kind of work I was doing–online database research, and doing it as their own business.

Marcy: And I was fascinated, and it wasn’t too long after that that I started my own business. I started out doing business and marketing type of research for years. I started my business in 2000. And eventually I was introduced to a private investigator who needed some help with some Internet research–news in social media. He had a media researcher he worked with for years who was retiring. And we got connected and I became fascinated with his work, and  he encouraged me to become a PI myself, which I eventually did. It was really a nice encounter and great work. And it’s been fabulous ever since. I just love my work.

Ben:  And it looks like you’re coming up almost on 20 years of doing it now.

Marcy: 20 years of owning my business. I became a PI about four years ago, so I made that big pivot about five years ago.

Ben: It sounds like an interesting story. I don’t know if it’s an unusual path for people or not, but it seems to be a good fit for you. IN general, how does being an introvert affect how you approach your work and life in general?

Marcy: It definitely comes into play a lot. I think I’ve designed my career pretty much around my introversion. I found out early on that working in an office. I was actually trained as a teacher. I found that being with all those people all day was so physically and emotionally draining that it was hard to actually get work done. So that is probably the biggest reason that I was so attracted to this idea of starting my own business and working from home. So, I’ve pretty much designed that around my introversion, and my life, I guess. Unfortunately I’m married to somebody who’s not an introvert, or fortunately I must say. And it’s an interesting dynamic, but you make workarounds, and it’s not like I don’t interact with people at all, but I have to prepare myself and I have to spend a little time recuperating, too.

I think I've designed my career pretty much around my introversion. I found out early on that working in an office with all those people all day was so physically and emotionally draining that it was hard to actually get work done. Click To Tweet

Ben: I totally get that. And my spouse is an extrovert as well. Both my kids were extroverts, so I was really the only introvert in the household, and it does take a while to make those adjustments so that we can–tolerate is by far the wrong word here–so that we can support each other in terms of the things that we need in our lives. For me, working on a university campus, I’ve seen enough people during the day that I’m quite satisfied with that. And I’d just as soon not do anything once I get home. For my wife, she typically works from home as an independent consultant, but as an extrovert, that means she doesn’t get the time around people that she really needs to flourish. So we’ve had to kind of work through how that works out for us. So it’s definitely an interesting dynamic.

Ben: What do you feel your biggest strengths are as an introvert? And in what ways have you leveraged those strengths?

Marcy: We as introverts, we don’t really like to shine the light on ourselves that much. So we focus on others a lot, and I think we’re in general, pretty good listeners and that’s really helped me with marketing. It’s helped me with my client projects or cases. I can really say I’ve worked on how to listen, listen really well and understand what they really, really want. What’s under the questions they’re asking because that’s not always what people want in my business. So I have to do a lot of digging and interviews. You have to be a very good listener in an interview. You have to know how to ask questions, but then you have to know how to shut up. So, I think that’s really helped me in my investigative work and my marketing to clients, just really able to find out what potential clients really want.

As introverts, we don't really like to shine the light on ourselves that much. So we focus on others a lot, and I think we're in general, pretty good listeners Click To Tweet

Ben: That sounds great. Other strengths that you feel like you have, we can go wherever you want with that. Go ahead with start with being adaptable, if you want to explore that a little bit.

Marcy: I think as an entrepreneur you have to be really  attuned to client needs. You can’t say this is how we do things. You have to do them according to what clients need them done. So I think that’s helped me in my business. Maybe it’s also helped me as an introvert because I’m able to do things that a lot of people would say, “Oh, introverts wouldn’t ordinarily be doing those kinds of things.” But I can adapt.

Marcy: I’m very adaptable. For example, I do public speaking and believe it or not, I think a lot of public speakers are introverts. And the problem is that it all happens at one time of the year. It seems. I have four events just in May that I’m attending conferences. You have to be part of the action all day. I have to mingle with people. It’s really very kind of stressful for an introvert. So I adapt. I have to go, these are things that are very good to do for my business and I have to make sure I can do them even though I’m an introvert, so I schedule time for myself when I get back and don’t have high expectations about what I’m going to get done or any more mingling. So that kind of conference schedule where everything seems to be packed with them.

I think as an entrepreneur you have to be really attuned to client needs. You can't say this is how we do things. You have to do them according to what clients need them done. Click To Tweet

Ben: Mine is, well, this weekend I have a ton of stuff, but then I kind of have a month and then I’ve got back-to-back conferences. So I fully understand where you’re coming from on that. And I also have the absolutely having to have downtime after the conference because it is exhausting.

Marcy: Oh yes. Oh absolutely. I’m not used to being with that many people in one week. It is physically and emotionally draining, stimulating as well. I learn, I meet fabulous people. I don’t want to make it sound like this is a horrible thing to do. I love going to conferences and meeting new people. It’s just I have to manage, adapt to my core, the way I do things.

Ben: You mentioned when you were talking about many speakers actually being introverts. And I do think there’s a misconception about that in general. And that would go for singers or other musicians as well, or even actors or actresses. But I do think there’s that overall, “Well, you’re an introvert, you must be shy. You must be reticent.” And I think that you know clearly not the case.

Ben: But I am curious about one thing. When you go to these conferences, part of my being comfortable with these conferences is that I tend to go to the same ones. So there’s a core group of people that I look forward to seeing every year. And after you’ve been a couple of times you’ve kind of established your group that you’re going to hang out with. But I also recognize that I’m also going in different roles sometimes where I have to introduce myself to a lot of people, which is definitely not what I would prefer to do. Normally. I do tend to be shy (is the right word or not), but I’d much rather not be introducing myself to tons of people. I just find it uncomfortable. How do you handle the networking and the actual people part of these conferences?

Marcy: Well, in small doses, hopefully. I think actually being a speaker helps. When you’re speaking at a conference, people will introduce themselves to you. So it’s kind of nice in that respect. It, which is lovely when people do, they kind of take it off of me, but that helps. But, I guess it’s just like anything else. I don’t like to do. It’s something that’s temporary. I’m just going to do it for this two-hour networking event or whatever. And then I reward myself afterwards. I get to go back to my room for an hour and recuperate before the dinner event, or I get to take a walk out in the sunshine. I reward myself with something I really like, but think about how good it feels when I take that time to myself too.

I think actually being a speaker helps. When you're speaking at a conference, people will introduce themselves to you. So it's kind of nice in that respect. Click To Tweet

Marcy: So I just have to pace myself and tell myself that it’s fun. I, I actually do enjoy talking to people. It’s not like it’s painful for me when I’m doing it. I’m having fun. It’s just planning in those rest times and I’m trying to plan maybe more one-on-one networking. That’s the other thing, Ben, networking has a bad definition or a bad rap. You mention networking, and people think big event and you’re wearing a name tag. Trying to make conversations with people you don’t know. But networking basically just means building and maintaining a group or a network–your connections, and yes, large events with the name tag are one way to do it, but there’s so many different ways to network. I think that’s another way I’ve adapted. A lot of times if I’m not speaking and I’m not expected to mingle, rather than mingle with the large groups, I’ll set up one-on-one coffees or lunch.

You mention networking, and people think big event and you're wearing a name tag. Trying to make conversations with people you don't know. But networking basically just means building and maintaining a group or a network. Click To Tweet

Ben: I try to do that as well. I do think there’s always been a misconception that networking is about quantity and how many people you can introduce yourselves to and give business cards or vice versa or their LinkedIn names. But I’ve find the same thing. I’m quite comfortable talking one on one with people, though it certainly helps once we’ve found a shared interest or something to give us a framework to talk around.

Marcy: Which you usually do, you can always talk about, like I said, if you’re a speaker or they’re a speaker, that gives you an immediate opening of something to talk about. or you can talk about the most recent session and what’s the most useful session.


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Melanie Seibert headshot

Episode 019: Melanie Seibert: Applying Insights from Personality Inventories

Category:introversion,Introverted Leadership,introverts,Leadership,personality,Podcast

Episode 019 Show Notes: Melanie Seibert

Introduction

Melanie Seibert headshot

Melanie Seibert and Ben Woelk chat about being surprised at the insights from StrengthsFinder and other inventories, and applying these insights in the workplace.

Key concepts

  • StrengthsFinder and other inventories
  • You don’t always get what you want to
  • The lingering impact of limiting statements

Quotable

You don’t have to be a certain personality type to be a leader. You can be an introvert. You can be creative. You can be analytical, whatever. @melanie_seibert

I knew in my mind the qualities that I wanted to have and it was an adjustment to accept the strengths that I actually do have and see how I can use those, instead of trying to be someone I’m not. @melanie_seibert

Statements made about you early in your life (such as you won’t be creative) can have a big impact on what you believe about yourself. Depending on how you take them, can probably limit yourself quite a bit. @benwoelk

How important it is to have a team where people are complementary, so that those strengths are there, but also where there are weaknesses those are bolstered and really shored up by having the right people on the team. @benwoelk

As an INFJ, I’m just really fascinated with people’s stories, and how people work on the inside. @melanie_seibert

Personality inventories give us permission to do things that we thought we weren’t suited for, and I feel like that sense of having permission is helpful to some people. I just want to encourage people to not doubt that they can be leaders. @melanie_seibert

Resources or Products Mentioned in this Episode

  • Prose Kiln
  • StrengthsFinder
  • Keirsey Temperament Sorter
  • DISC

Links

Transcript

Ben: So welcome back Melanie. I’m looking forward to more conversation. It’s been fascinating so far.

Ben:  What do you think your biggest strengths are? And we started to talk a little bit about the StrengthsFinder, and I have actually not taken that one yet. I’ve done the Enneagram (which I can’t remember any of the detail on) and DISC, which I’m really not super fond of. And of course the Myers-Briggs/Keirsey type things. I have not yet done the StrengthsFinder thing. Tell me a little bit about that test. I guess what would be really interesting, I think, would be if you have any idea what you felt like your strengths were before you took the test, and whether you learned something from that test that surprised you.

Melanie: Yeah. So the StrengthsFinder is really interesting because the way–I learned about it when I went to work at Rackspace, and they as an organization have every person who’s hired take the StrengthsFinder before you start, and then when you start you get your results. And there are sort of orientation meetings to talk about what it means and how to work with different people. So they told us that when the researchers who created StrengthsFinder ultimately first set out, they wanted to find, was what are the traits of leaders. What are all the common personality traits that leaders have, and they expected to find when they interviewed executives and managers and those type of people–they expected to find common traits across everyone. And what they actually found was these 34 different strengths that were in different combinations for every leader. So it was surprising to them.

Melanie: But, the takeaway from that is that you don’t have to be a certain personality type to be a leader. You can be an introvert. You can be creative. You can be analytical, whatever. And so it’s funny that you say what was I expecting, because I was in this mode where I was like–I’m going to be a content strategist now. I’m going from being a writer, which is sort of a more creative role, to being strategic and analytical and thinking more big picture. And so I was really hoping to get a–there’s a strength called strategic. There’s a strength called communication. And there’s–there are a few others that look–there’s one called self assurance that I really wanted, but I just knew that wasn’t gonna happen. So, when I finally got my results, communication, strategic, self-assurance were way down towards the bottom, and at the top I had connectedness, input, positivity, relater. I can’t remember all of them right offhand, but I had adaptability, and I was just like, “Oh man!” All these–they sounded very sort of unappealing and wishy-washy to me at the time. But over time, I’ve really learned to value and I’ll see myself doing things and if I do a certain thing, well I’m like, “That’s because I have connectedness.” Like I’m always connecting people with resources, or I just find that super satisfying to–I don’t know–help people learn about something, and I’ll tell them, “Oh, there’s this great book that I read or whatever.”

You don't have to be a certain personality type to be a leader. You can be an introvert. You can be creative. You can be analytical, whatever. @melanie_seibert Click To Tweet

Melanie: And there’s value to that. So, I think positivity is probably the only strength that I have that is actually–at the time they counted it as a leadership type of strength. It lets you influence people and it lets you influence people’s behavior. There are others that I definitely don’t have as much of. One is command, which is where you’re just like totally comfortable being the boss, and one is woo, which they say it stands for winning others over, which means you’re kind of like the salesman. You’re like everyone’s best friend. You meet a person and you’re like their best friend within two minutes, and you’re all buddy buddy with them, and then when you meet someone else you’re sort of their best friend. So it’s like, I don’t know, it’s very charming. Sounds like an extrovert thing. I don’t know, I can talk about it all day.

Ben: It sounds like a courtship-type thing. When you said the wooing part, I mean that’s the context, but it sounds appropriate for what you’re talking about as well. It’s funny to me that when you took the inventory that you were hoping to have strengths in certain areas.

Melanie: Yeah, I mean I don’t think I knew the words for them, or what the outputs would be, but I knew in my mind the qualities that I wanted to have, like how I wanted to see myself, and it was an adjustment to accepting the strengths that I actually do have and seeing how I can actually use those, instead of trying to be someone I’m not. Basically, like I’m never going to be–the boss had self assurance and I was so jealous because I want to be able to just walk into a meeting and lead the meeting and feel totally comfortable doing that, and just assume that people are going to accept my ideas, ’cause I have the best ideas, and that type of thing. I’m just never going to be comfortable doing that. I’m always going to be a little bit more reserved, a little bit more like tentative. Like I think this is the best course of action, but I’m always open to feedback, or if other people have other ideas, let’s hear ’em. That type of thing. So it was definitely a process.

I knew in my mind the qualities that I wanted to have and it was an adjustment to accept the strengths that I actually do have and see how I can use those, instead of trying to be someone I'm not. @melanie_seibert Click To Tweet

Ben: Yeah. It sounds like it was a very–very much a self discovery thing. With some of it too, and some of it just does seem to be putting the words around what those strengths were. It’s funny because when I took the Keirsey.com Temperament Inventory, I was really surprised at some of the results of it, and I talked to my wife about it and then said, “Well, this is funny. Did you know that it says I’m really, really willfully independent?” And so that, “Yes!” [Melanie laughing] So it’s like the things that were not a surprise to people who knew me, but they were certainly a surprise to me. And what I found most helpful with the inventory I took, and I think this is true for many of them, is that it does help you identify your strengths.

Ben: And for me it was even to the point of, “Oh, Keirsey says I’m an INTJ.” Keirsey says, “Oh, they can be good leaders. I must be able to be a good leader.” And that was actually my reaction to it, because I grew up with that Western ideal of what leaders must be like, and knowing I was not this charismatic individual who was going to stand in front of everyone, or be commanding or anything else. It was just really wild to me to discover that, I could actually be a good leader. I learned things, like I’m innovative–creative and that should be an obvious thing, but I still go back to conversations in elementary school that I remember my parents having with my teachers, where they basically said, “Well, he’ll be able to learn anything at all, but he’s–he’s not going to be creative.” And that kind of thing–as surface as it seems like it should be–that really stuck with me. And I was really surprised that “Oh my goodness, I can be creative. I can be innovative.” And I embrace that now. But I did–It was like I didn’t even know it was a possibility. So it’s kind of funny, because for me it’s kind of how these, not really random comments, but how these statements early on in your life can have a big impact on what you believe about yourself. And probably, depending on how you take them can probably limit yourself quite a bit.

Statements made about you early in your life (such as you won't be creative) can have a big impact on what you believe about yourself. Depending on how you take them, can probably limit yourself quite a bit. @benwoelk @introvert_leadr Click To Tweet

Melanie: Yeah. Isn’t that funny? It’s almost like it’s liberating because someone’s giving you permission, you know, saying, “Yes, it’s okay. You can be creative.” You know, it’s–it’s really amazing how we internalize those impressions. I think I had a similar impression of myself. I don’t remember anyone ever telling me you can’t be creative, but I definitely–I–oh man, this is embarrassing! I walked into a job interview for a copywriting job when I was in my early twenties and the hiring manager said, “Well, are you creative?” And I said, “No,” [laughing] because I really don’t think of myself as creative. But later I was just like, well, first of all that was really dumb thing to say in a job interview. You don’t ever say that. But secondly, it’s not true because I’ve seen where I can be creative in ways that maybe I didn’t realize. So yeah, I definitely had a similar experience

Ben: It’s funny, and I imagine talking to a lot of people, we’d find out that there were little things that people said, and they took them to heart, or that these things have had an impact on them. So I think it’s great. I think all of these inventories are really useful. Some of them I personally like more than others, but in general I think they’re useful because I think that whole self discovery piece is really important. It’s so–I mean for me–I mean I haven’t, like I said, I have not done StrengthFinder yet, but it’s going to come back with strategic. Everything else that I’ve looked at talks about being strategic, and that helps me in terms of understanding what I’m good at and what I’m not good at. I’m in the process of planning a party (and this will release after this party occurs), but it’s a surprise party, and their are logistics, and I am going crazy because I don’t like dealing with the logistics. That level of detail as opposed to the overall strategy thing, I’m just finding to be a really, really big challenge. So it also, I think, points to how important it is to have a team where people are complementary, so that those strengths are there, but also where there are weaknesses (and we all have them), where those are bolstered and really shored up by having the right people on the team.

How important it is to have a team where people are complementary, so that those strengths are there, but also where there are weaknesses those are bolstered and really shored up by having the right people on the team. @benwoelk Click To Tweet

Melanie: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that was one reason why Rackspace really invested in that methodology, and also understanding your own strengths and understanding that someone else is not going to see the problem the same way you are, and there is a place for both people on the team. We really need each other. And in fact, their whole philosophy was, “If you’re not good at something, then let somebody who is naturally good at it do it, and you develop your strengths, not your weaknesses,” which is kind of a whole other kind of interesting take. But their point was you’re going to go farther building on your strengths, then you will be than you will trying to mitigate your weaknesses. So, work together. And so, it’s really interesting.

If you're not good at something, then let somebody who is naturally good at it do it, and you develop your strengths, not your weaknesses. @melanie_seibert Click To Tweet

Ben: I think that makes sense. I can see the downside of that. I mean, I think if it’s a case where your weaknesses are, I’m going to say, non-strengths, your weaknesses are impeding your ability to do something, then you obviously need to work on them. But in theory it makes perfect sense, because if you want to basically get the best part of each person and their best viewpoints involved, it seems like the product would naturally be stronger because you are leveraging everyone’s strengths. I can see the wisdom in that. It’s an interesting discussion.

Ben: You had mentioned that in a previous job that the leadership thing didn’t really pan out, because they were looking for a specific type of leader, more of a command-and-control type situation. And I know when–I don’t like being on either side of that. I cannot stand being micromanaged, and I probably, if anything, don’t necessarily provide as much management input with people who are doing things for me as I need to, because I’m very much, “Well I’m happy with whatever way you do it and I expect you to use your strengths, whatever you’re doing.” But I can see how that’s been a bit of a bit of a challenge at times as well.

Ben: We started to talk a little bit about what it’s like being an introvert in the workplace, and maybe not in a–well you are in a senior content strategist role. So it is a leader role in a way, or very much a leader role. How about in general in life, do you find that being an introvert impacts how you act in other situations or social situations?

Melanie: Yeah. So it’s really interesting that you sent me the link to the Keirsey Personality Inventory. I’m not sure if I’m calling it the right thing, but my profile there is the Counselor. So I’m the person who, it doesn’t matter if it’s at work or at church or at home, people are always coming to me with their problems. I had someone–a relative–texting me last night with what was a parenting question, and I think, I’m not sure why that is, but it has something to do with I’m really comfortable listening to people, and I’m very nosy, so I want to know everyone’s business, and I want to know all about their problems, and I really want to know what they’re really thinking, like what is really going on with this person under the surface. And for some reason, I’m just fascinated. So it’s not an altruistic thing necessarily. It’s kind of a selfish thing. I’m just really fascinated with people’s stories, and how people work on the inside. So yeah, that definitely does come out in my sort of daily life. Like, people will open up and tell me things, and it turns out that if you listen to people, you’ll be surprised at the things that they will tell you. I’m always sort of asking for information and expecting people to say, “Well, no, I don’t want to talk about that.” Or, “That’s too personal,” and it is really unusual for a person to say that. People will tell you a lot. I think a lot of people just really want to be listened to. I do find that.

As an INFJ, I'm just really fascinated with people's stories, and how people work on the inside. @melanie_seibert Click To Tweet

Ben: Especially if they think they can trust you. And that you will give them good input, but–and obviously not take the information and use it for whatever purposes. It’s funny because I look at our initial guest list on the podcast, and you are the fourth or fifth INFJ that I’ve had on the podcast, and in some ways it makes sense, but if you look at the Keirsey Temperament Sorter or the Myers Briggs, and the statistics around it, INFJ is the most rare temperament type.

Melanie: Really!

Ben: So I just find it really intriguing that I have so many friends who are INFJs.

Melanie: I’m curious to know which temperament types are the most common, so I’m going to have to do some Googling after this.

Ben: I don’t have the numbers handy, but one of the big differences that Keirsey talks about is that you have your Ns who are the intuitives and you have your Ss who are more concrete. There are far more concrete thinkers in our world than there are people who are intuitive, like INTJ or INFJ or anything like that. And I think from what I’ve been able to tell, the Ss are more much more practically focused, which is probably a good thing, because I know I can be very abstract and thinking about possibilities and things like that. So I think the Ss are pretty much holding us together. While some of us are very speculative and want to come up and try all these new ideas and things. And the INFJ as a guest doesn’t totally surprise me, because we’re all very interested in this whole temperament thing now and how it impacts things. And I think we tend to be naturally more introspective, not even just as introverts, but especially with being intuitive instead.

Melanie: That makes a lot of sense. And also if you’re talking to people in sort of technology-related fields, I feel like that N orientation where you’re thinking about possibilities and trying to innovate, that is definitely encouraged more in tech and in the type of world where we work, so that also might have something to do with it. That is really interesting.

Ben: I’d like to talk a little bit about recommendations you might have for introverts who want to become influencers or leaders. What recommendations would you have?

Melanie: Yeah, I guess my main recommendation is to, as we discussed earlier, we talked about how the personality inventories gave us permission to do things that we sort of thought we weren’t suited for, and I feel like that sense of having permission is helpful to some people, and so I just want to encourage people to not doubt that they can be leaders. I’m reading a book right now. It’s about systems thinking, and it’s very much about learning and leading, and the author is very against this idea that only executives are leaders or only managers are leaders. And I definitely had thought of it that way. You know, I think of the organization, you have your org chart and there are the people at the top of the org chart and those are the leaders.

Personality inventories give us permission to do things that we thought we weren't suited for, and I feel like that sense of having permission is helpful to some people. I just want to encourage people to not doubt that they can be… Click To Tweet

Melanie: But in reality a lot of the change in organizations comes from the individual contributors or the people who have a lot of credibility amongst their coworkers, and they become leaders that way, even if they don’t have formal or structural power to command people to do things a different way, it’s much more effective. Change is much more effective when it comes from sort of that level, that individual level. And so in that sense we’re all leaders, if we’re engaged and we’re motivated at work, we can be leaders at work. And there are a lot of different ways to be a leader. So if you’re working in a setting where your leadership style really isn’t valued, that doesn’t mean that you’re not a leader or that you can’t be a leader. You might just not be in the right place, that you might not be in a place that really values the contributions that you have to give. Because that’s where I found myself, and I had to find a place where I could contribute something that the organization would value. So I guess that’s my main recommendation. It’s not very sort of technical, but I feel like it is important to some people.

A lot of the change in organizations comes from the individual contributors who have credibility amongst their coworkers. They become leaders that way, even if they don't have formal or structural power. @melanie_seibert Click To Tweet

If you're working in a setting where your leadership style really isn't valued, that doesn't mean that you're not a leader or that you can't be a leader. You might just not be in the right place. @melanie_seibert Click To Tweet

Ben: I appreciate your time and thanks for a great interview!

Melanie: Thanks, Ben! It’s been great chatting with you.


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Roxy Greninger

Episode 017: Roxy Greninger–A Life Lived for Others

Category:introversion,introverts,personality,Podcast

Episode 017 Show Notes: Roxy Greninger

Introduction

Roxy Greninger

Roxy Greninger and Ben Woelk discuss living a life focused on others, the impact of childhood experiences, and finally–the impetus for the Hope for the Introvert podcast.

Key concepts

  • Influencers
  • Growing up and your circle
  • Community
  • Being exposed to diverse people
  • Growing up as an introvert
  • Why the Hope for the Introvert podcast

Quotable

This is part of where I got the idea for Grow Your Circle because I started looking back, getting back to basics, looking back to my roots and thinking of these influencers, these experiences that had cast such a bright light on my life.

I was like your opposite of Dennis the Menace, but I was in my neighbor’s houses, hanging out with these adult neighbors. And the same thing, you know, with the ladies of the shop.

Being exposed to people with visible disabilities at a very young age, which was very important to me to do for my son as he was growing up, because I think if you grow up without having diverse people that look and sound differently than you, it’s scary, right?

I think I’ve always chatted with strangers and had a comfort level. And I think it was because my family brought me out into the world to see different people and not feared difference, um, but embrace it and actually, like I–I crave it, right? Like I need–I need to challenge myself. I need to experience new people, new thoughts, new things or I just feel, I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right.

You see things that I don’t think many of us see. We may see the person who’s acting oddly for whatever reason and see that as somebody we’re uncomfortable with and we want to move away from. In some ways you move towards those people to see what they need, rather than shying away from them.

It’s kind of fascinating how you need the time and the quiet and the space, or the books even, to recharge. But you’re still able to go out and be very very social. So you’ve definitely built on that skill.

Resources or Products Mentioned in this Episode

Links

Transcript

Ben [reprise]: And I think this idea of being the brightest part of someone’s day is, it’s pretty amazing and it’s, you know, pretty humbling when you’re able to do that as well. So I think it’s a very, very cool thing. I’m always struck when I’m talking with you about how intentional you are about these various things that you’re involved in. Now I’m going to repeat that because I did have music noise come in, so I’m always struck when I talked to you about how intentional you are in the way you approach things. We were talking briefly last week even in terms of ensuring that you’re exposing yourself to musical genres that you don’t really prefer, but you want to understand why other, why they’re popular and why certain songs that people appreciate them and I just find it really interesting because you have this intentionality that I don’t honestly believe that most of us do. I think many of us kind of go through our day and we look back on our day and while you know it was another day, but the idea of really not. It’s not. You’re not talking about being the bright spot of one person’s Day. You’re talking about being the bright spot of each person that you encounter during the day and it’s such a different credo in a sense of a way to live. Then I think it’s a very positive, obviously a positive example for us.

Roxy: That’s a good question. I don’t even. I don’t know. So Oregon raised, right? I know that I had a diverse group of friends, I don’t remember them being friends with each other, which was always kind of a burden, right? Like you want to have a birthday party, but none of your friends know each other or get along with each other. And also I think–I think I spent a lot of time with adults as a child. I had the fortune of being raised in an art shop, if you will. My grandmother had a ceramics shop, ceramics and porcelain dolls and it wasn’t limited to ceramics and porcelain dolls. So she taught in that shop. And this is part of where I got the idea for Grow Your Circle because I started looking back, getting back to basics, looking back to my roots and thinking of these influencers, these experiences that had cast such a bright light on my life.

Roxy: So thinking of the women that came into that shop and they had such a–such a sense of community. They would come in. They would–they had a kind of unspoken seating arrangement where they would set up–and I would just run around that shop. I mean, I was in that shop from the time you could keep the paintbrush out of my mouth until we moved to New York–my mom and I moved to New York. So, they were like family, these just hundreds of women in the community. And anytime my grandmother needed something, anytime my mom needed something, there was–there was always–you always knew someone. There was always someone who had something that–they could help or an uncle or a somebody. Right? So, we had a lot of fun there.

Roxy: And then also thinking of my neighborhood. I had one neighbor who was an avid bicyclist and when I bought my first road bicycle–not, not my Huffy with the tassels–he went to a garage sale with me.  I was a teenager and I remember he came with my mom and I to help look it over and make sure that it was a good investment, right? I was using my first wages when I was like 13 years old or something. And the neighbor across the street was a florist and I remember I would just go up and chat with these neighbors, because I had that comfort level with speaking to strange–I don’t want to say to strangers, but to strangers that I knew were within the circle, right?

Roxy: They were in the shop where they were neighbors. And I remember being invited into her house and she had let me help her do her florist arrangements. She taught me how to make peanut butter and jelly. I had another neighbor who was a teacher and you’ll–you’ll appreciate this. You’re a professor. So, she was a second grade teacher, or excuse me, she was a fifth grade teacher and I was in second grade, and she gave me the answer key and let me grade her students math work, right? And so I just–I was like your opposite of Dennis the Menace, but I was in my neighbor’s houses, hanging out with these adult neighbors. And the same thing, you know, with the ladies of the shop.

Roxy: My grandmother would also take me to the nursing home. She volunteered avidly in the community and one of the things that she did was to go to the nursing home, although I think she might’ve been paid for that–that wasn’t a volunteer opportunity, but I was volunteering. I wasn’t paid. And I know there was one day out of the month that the disability–the folks with disabilities would come in a van. And I think that one she did for free as a generosity to the community. But I remember being exposed to people with visible disabilities at a very young age, which was very important to me to do for my son as he was growing up, because I think if you grow up without having diverse people that look and sound differently than you, it’s scary, right?

I think if you grow up without having diverse people that look and sound differently than you, it's scary, right? Roxy Click To Tweet

Roxy: So when you’re exposed to someone who’s in a wheelchair and doesn’t have control of their speech or might have, for lack of a better term, like they’re drooling or these things, you might not even look at them or notice them. So it was very important for me to have my son volunteer with me when I moved to New York. So you get to the answer–that was a roundabout way. Just trying to navigate through my childhood. I think I’ve always chatted with strangers and had a comfort level. And I think it was because my family brought me out into the world to see different people and not feared difference, um, but embrace it and actually, like I–I crave it, right? Like I need–I need to challenge myself. I need to experience new people, new thoughts, new things or I just feel, I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right.

I need to challenge myself. I need to experience new people, new thoughts, new things , or it just doesn't feel right. Roxy Click To Tweet

Ben: It’s interesting. I wrote a blog post a few months ago about saying, “Yes and?” to Leadership Opportunities. But one of the things that I’ve found when I was researching the blog posts was a quote by Albert Einstein in which he says “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” And I think listening to you and talking about your ability to talk to–I will say adults rather than strangers I think. But your ability to interact with adults and really be a servant leader in many ways and be of service to others, I think as you know, is what we’re seeing with this. And it just seems to be such a part of your DNA at this point that you see–you see things probably through your upbringing. You see things that I don’t think many of us see. We may see the person who’s acting oddly for whatever reason and see that as somebody we’re uncomfortable with and we want to move away from. In some ways you move towards those people to see what they need, rather than shying away from them.

Albert Einstein--Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. Click To Tweet

Roxy: I agree wholeheartedly. I just thought of another example that sounds like you might say that it’s unique and me, but if it’s something that someone doesn’t find that they have, it’s a skill to hone. Right? So there was a program back home and it was called the Pitchford boys, and it’s no longer in place, which is unfortunate, but it was kind of like a second chance.The Pitchford program was for boys who might have gotten in trouble–juvenile trouble from anything from theft to violence to–you name it, right? And they were under 18 so they couldn’t go to jail.

Roxy: So they would send them to this ranch that was down the road from my house, and they would serve time on the ranch doing farm work, and I’m working with the agriculture there and when they’d proven that they could show respect and be trusted–It was a privilege to go to school–then they would be assimilated into the school system. When they rode the bus with me–I lived kind of out in the middle of nowhere. I’m already in the middle of nowhere! And I got to know them and there were just always new kids in the program and you could either be afraid of them and sit at the front of the bus and don’t talk to them. And you know, they can be crass, right? Can say things that are rude. But if you jump right in and you get to know them and ask them questions, you really get to understand why they behave the way that they do. And you know what unfortunate circumstances led to their being there. It was such a great relationship to have like that. I’d have year after year with many of them. I think there was only one of them that ever truly didn’t belong there. And he was the only one that ever scared all of us. [Laughing] And he was very short–for a short time on the bus.

Roxy: But, I think that anyone–I work very closely with our Center for Youth which serves the homeless children’s population. And a lot of people in Rochester don’t even realize how many homeless children there are. They look around and say “Where, where are these homeless children?” And they’re there. You don’t have to look very hard to see them. Or, when you see a family that’s suffering or see a family that talks or acts differently than you, and then they have a hardship, are you quick to dismiss them because they didn’t have the same things you had and the same advantages that you had? It’s definitely a skill that I think people should invest a little time in if they don’t feel that they have it. It’s–it’s just humankind. It was just being kind and considerate of–Don’t, don’t fear a homeless person. I don’t hand dollars to homeless people. I invest my money in legitimate programs. But, don’t be afraid of them! I think that’s another–another conversation. What media has done to make us afraid of the homeless population and assuming that they all have mental health and they’re all going to attack you on the street. But that’s a different–that’s a different soapbox conversation. [Laughing]

Ben: Yeah, we’ll do that on another segment at some point in time. [Roxy laughing.] So one thing that’s funny about this, is that you’ve identified as an introvert, but we also talked about how you were a sociable introvert, and when you were growing up you were in a lot of conversations with people that say a classic–if there is such a thing–introvert would have found very difficult to even engage in. So it’s, it’s, it’s kind of fascinating how you need the time and the quiet and the space, or the books even, to recharge. But you’re still able to go out and be very very social. So you’ve definitely built on that skill.

You need the time and the quiet and the space, or the books even, to recharge. But you're still able to go out and be very very social. So you've definitely built on that skill. Click To Tweet

Roxy: I’ll tell you what I missed as a child was hours and hours and hours of quiet play. I loved building houses for my dolls. My mom did some design work and I always had access to supplies, right? So I was always building houses out of U-Haul boxes and carpet swatches and things like that. And I noticed right away when my son was growing up–he’s an extrovert–and I noticed such a difference in–not behavior, but just he as a very small child needed to be in the same room with us. He did not ever want to play by himself in his room. And I thought it was so strange, I didn’t force it, but I thought it was so strange, that he wouldn’t just play, and I could get him playing and then if I left the room, it wasn’t very long before he would come find me and bring his toys out to the space where I was.

Roxy: And that continued on and, you know, even to now, like he will–if he’s in his room, it’s because he’s on social media with his friends. He’s FaceTiming or Snapchatting with friends or he immediately wants to run out and hang out with friends. And not just because he’s a teenager, but because that’s just innately who he is. But yeah, hours of quiet time for me. I would play in the backyard by myself. Sing songs, choreograph dances all by myself, right? So I saw it at a very early age that I didn’t know I needed it until you start working and you start–I don’t want to say being robbed of your time–but your time becomes less of your own when you’re an adult.

Ben: No, absolutely. And I’m looking back at my childhood, and we won’t go into any depth on it, but I also grew up in kind of the end of the bus stop, and a quarter mile into the orange grove to get to the farmhouse I grew up in. And we didn’t have close neighbors and I was an–I did have a sister a couple of years younger–but we’re both introverts, and we could amuse ourselves for hours doing whatever.

Ben: Ironically, one story that goes with that: The house I grew up in has actually become a museum at this point in time because it’s one of the few surviving examples of what they called Florida Vernacular Architecture. It was built in the late 1800s, and I didn’t realize it had happened, but they did some archaeological digs up near the house. And one of the things they actually dug up was plastic Flintstones dinosaur bones that my sister and I had apparently buried in the hope that some archaeologists at some point in time would dig things up and find it. So it was this ability to be amused–I’m not sure what that says [laughing], but this ability to have that kind of play and whether individually or with just the two of us that I find really interesting, and there’s always a debate about whether it’s nature or nurture in terms of introversion or what that combination might be.

Ben: One thing that I referenced earlier in our conversation was that you were really the catalyst for starting the Hope for the Introvert podcasts. And I kind of wanted to revisit that. It’s pretty recent. It’s only a few months ago where this came up. But what were your thoughts around why you thought there should be a podcast like this? It’s not like it’s the only introvert podcast out there.

Roxy: Yeah, I–it totally draws from my current influences. So within my circle I follow a variety of YouTubers and motivational speakers if you’ll call them that. Celebrity types. And they’re constantly talking about their evolution into how they became who they are. And it’s fascinating to me to see the progress that they’ve made. And when you were talking about your blog and talking about your work, it just, it just fit, right? I just made the connection between what I see them doing, and you’re at the beginning phases of where they were and where they’ve gone to. I can–I can almost see your path right when you were talking to me. And also, maximizing your audience. Not everybody reads blogs, believe it or not, right? So, myself, I–I read. I don’t know if I read blogs. I read books, but I’m more so try to maximize how I’m getting input, and that comes by way of podcasts, that comes by way of audio book. Although I found it to be dangerous reading audio books on the Thruway because I also like to take notes, and so I end up pausing the audio book more–more times than not because I can’t take notes. But yeah. it just–it just seemed like a natural fit to suggest podcast foryou because the influences that are around me now are doing it, right? So if you had the same influences that I did absent me, you–you would have had a natural progression into a podcast, I feel as–as well without me.

Ben: As we’ve usually found in our conversations, Roxy and I have covered a good deal of ground here and uncovered subjects that we didn’t really plan to talk about at all, but which I hope have been of interest to you as listeners and now you have a little bit about–a little bit of the background about why I’m doing a podcast. So, if you’re enjoying this, you can thank Roxy for her influence on this and her urging me to do it. So again, Roxy, I’d like to thank you again for joining us today.

Roxy: Thank you so much for having me, Ben. It’s such a privilege and an honor to be part of your podcast and I hope to join you again.

Ben: Awesome. I think that’s definite.

Extras

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The Flintstones was a Hanna-Barbara series that ran from 1960-1966.


  • 1
Roxy Greninger

Episode 016: Roxy Greninger–Culture Consultant and Brightest Part

Category:introversion,Introverted Leadership,introverts,Leadchange,Leadership,Podcast

Episode 016 Show Notes: Roxy Greninger

Introduction

Roxy Greninger

Roxy Greninger and Ben Woelk discuss Roxy’s role as a culture consultant and being the brightest part of someone’s day.

Key concepts

  • Changing a business culture
  • Re-engineering content
  • StrengthsFinder
  • Being intentional
  • Being the brightest spot of someone’s day

Quotable

You need to be intentional as an organization to drive your culture. Our purpose of our culture team is to help attract and retain the best and the brightest talent.

“We pass these things on.” And I said, that’s exactly what happens in–in culture, in general. We pass these rules or these norms on to each other because we teach each other. And that’s exactly what happens in an organization.

Our company has laid out values and behaviors that aren’t just words on a wall. They’re not–it’s not a poster in the break room, right? These are things that we live and breathe every day

My “why,” my vision and all that makes me happy–is being the brightest part of someone’s day. And I know that sounds corny, but like–and it’s not a difficult goal to reach–but at the end of the day, if I can look backwards and say I made someone smile today, or I brought some relief to someone, or I helped someone, or, you know “fill in the blank,” that I help influence or positively impact that person in some small way, then I’ve fulfilled my day.

I feel like it’s very important for us to recognize those strengths and leverage them, whether it be for your work or your fulfillment. If you’re missing one of them, you’ll notice it. You’ll not feel that you have that connection or that purpose.

Resources or Products Mentioned in this Episode

Links

Transcript

Ben: Joining us today is Roxy Greninger. Roxy Works for Excellus Blue Cross Blue Shield as a Culture Program Consultant. Roxy describes herself as Texas-born, Oregon-raised, and New York-refined.

Ben: Hi Roxy. I’m so excited you’re joining us today. We’ve had some fascinating and far ranging conversations and I look forward to seeing where we go today.

Ben: So you are a culture program consultant, which sounds like a totally exotic and intriguing role to have in a company. I suspect it’s not quite as exotic as it sounds. Could you tell us a little bit about the cultural program?

Roxy: Sure. There’s a few of us and what’s unique about the three of us with that title is that we are all tasked with varying things–varying projects and various work–which is just great, right? And anytime you have multiple people doing the same role, you should always look to leverage their strengths. And that’s just what our leader has done, but the culture program consultant by design–I think more organizations are finding themselves with some sort of a culture team or culture leader, someone who’s focus is on the culture, and it’s because you need to be intentional as an organization to drive your culture. Our purpose of our culture team is to help attract and retain the best and the brightest talent.

You need to be intentional as an organization to drive your culture. Our purpose of our culture team is to help attract and retain the best and the brightest talent. Roxy Click To Tweet

Roxy: And it’s not just about attracting the talent, because once you get them in the door, they need to stay there. So that’s the retain part, right? So we see a lot of flashy companies, really big companies writing books and kind of paving the industry and they do fun things and you see Ping Pong tournaments, and water slides, and all these really wacky things. And so people think that it’s just a lot of fun and it’s a lot of frivolity–I guess if that’s even a word–frivolousness, and that’s not what it is. It’s really about helping develop people and know themselves and reach the fullest potential. Developing the strategy for the organization, working with the leaders, right, to make sure that they’re setting the example for the rest of the organization and demonstrating the values and behaviors that the organization desires. Right? So for our company, we have a mission, we have a vision just like every other company and we have a strategy to achieve that mission.

Roxy: And one of our strategies is to motivate the workforce. And that’s–that’s my job all day, right, is what needs to be done to motivate the workforce. There’s part of it is a little dance around psychology. It’s important that people feel that they have some control, that they have decision making, and that they’re heard. So our company has laid out values and behaviors that aren’t just words on a wall. They’re not–it’s not a poster in the break room, right? These are things that we live and breathe every day and our culture has changed a lot in the 13 years I’ve been with the organization. It’s really evolved in a positive way. Thirteen years ago I probably honestly only stuck around because the benefits were good, right? Then as the focus, the intention on culture has come full circle, we’ve heard more improvements. People are happier. They’re showing up to work with better ideas. They can be more innovative.

On culture--Company values and behaviors that aren't just words on a wall. They're not a poster in the break room, right? These are things that we live and breathe every day. Roxy Click To Tweet

Roxy: We have a huge focus now on diversity. That’s another department. We work closely with them. But that’s another major piece of it, is every voice needs to be heard–diversity of thought, diversity of your experiences. We all have unique experiences and we have to recognize that. So there’s a whole team that is focused on diversity of our employees and the diversity of thought, so that we can innovate. And yeah, it is–I think of it–it is kind of an exotic title, but it’s very much project management and learning and development, I think that I bring to the team, I do a lot of readings. I love to re-engineer content. Of course, I credit and cite the source, but I like to re-engineer it in a way that the average person can receive it, and they don’t have to spend as much time reading all the books or watching all the videos, which is something that I enjoy doing. So it’s a happy balance.

I love to re-engineer content. Of course, I credit and cite the source, but I like to re-engineer it in a way that the average person can receive it, Roxy Click To Tweet

Ben: And I, and I may or may not be right about this at all, but is the pace of change? You said it had changed a lot in the 13 years. And I’d also mentioned that sounds like an exotic position, but it sounds like–it takes a lot of time for change, usually. Correct?

Roxy: Oh, absolutely! It’s not something you can be impatient about and… I just did a workshop for our college interns over the summer and the way that I explained it is–culture is contagious, so you don’t just wake up one day and decide you’re going to change your culture. And the story that I told them or the, the, the challenge that I asked them during the workshop was I, I had a lab coat on and I, you know, had some colored waters in some beakers and made it look more like a science room. But I asked them, does anyone know why? First of all I did like a poll–Does everyone know that you don’t wear white after Labor Day? And they all at least had heard of it. So that was good. And then I said, does anyone know why you don’t wear white after Labor Day?

Roxy: And nobody knew. And that was kind of surprising because, you know, with the different videos and things that pop up on Facebook, we all kind of know these, these fun little trivia these days. So fortunately for me, no one knew the answer, so I said, “Well, it actually started after the Civil War, when there was all these self-made millionaires popping up everywhere, and the high society ladies of old money decided that they wanted a way to identify the new money so that they could shun them.” And so the story goes that they came up with these fashion rules so that they could spot the new money and shun them. So basically one of the rules was you don’t wear white after Labor Day and they came up with that rule because it’s just normal to wear white in the summer.

Roxy: It’s a lighter color, but they made it a rule. So if you wore a white gown to a Christmas ball or gala, they would snub you. They would shun you. And so I said, “That was almost a 100 or over 100 years ago. How is it that something that was so malicious in nature that was created back then, still a thing now that we embrace and teach our children? And the hands started going up and you know, people were like, oh, because I said, “Who told you?” And they said, my grandmother and my mother, my whoever. And I said, “We pass these things on.” And I said, that’s exactly what happens in–in culture, in general. We pass these rules or these norms on to each other because we teach each other. And that’s exactly what happens in an organization.

We pass these things on. That's exactly what happens in culture, We pass these rules or these norms on to each other because we teach each other. And that's exactly what happens in an organization. Roxy Click To Tweet

Roxy: So when you think you’re helping someone by saying, “Oh, you have to wear–Ladies, you have to wear nylons in our organization.” Well, no! There’s actually no corporate policy that says you have to wear nylons. But this is one of those things that in some areas, the employees here were under the impression that they had to wear nylons with a skirt. And it’s just funny because you have these little pockets where people believe, well, that’s what you have to do. Well, who gets to decide what you have to do? Is it a corporate policy or is it a “that’s what we’ve kind of been doing for awhile?” So yeah, we really just asked the question, “Who gets to decide? Fill in the blank and challenge those norms. So, it could be as little as meeting culture, Do you put an agenda on your meeting invite? It could be different depending on which team you work in and what leader you have or what coworkers you have. So these things don’t change easily. I can’t just wake up one day and say, “Hey organization.  We’re all gonna do this.” Sometimes we can. Sometimes things are mandated and we have to do them. But the way that we behave and treat each other and some of these things that we’ve accepted into our norms, are much more difficult to challenge.

Ben: So how would you go about measuring success? How do you? I mean, we’re talking about–some things are overnight things because they’re mandated, but many of these things seem to take a good amount of time. And what do you do trying to determine if your efforts are successful?

Roxy: Yeah! The organization has a survey. We use a vendor that helps us measure, using a survey assessment–measure the feedback from the employees. And we asked the same questions year after year and we gauged the responses. So for that, it’s a numbers answer. Personally, I like to read between the lines and really understand the feedback that’s going along with those numbers, because it’s not about the numbers. It’s about the people, right? So we have the number that’s helpful. But for me it’s–it’s how do I feel? Right? And it’s really hard to get a measure on how do I feel. There could be something going on. If I come to work and I’m working through a frustration with a particular work group, depending on who I come in contact with. It varies from person to person and rightly so. It should.

Roxy: So, yes, the organization does use the assessment, but for me personally in my role, I like to observe and I like to listen and I like to just pay attention, which again, I think is one of those things where introverts just excel at because I can be the one in the room leading the conversation and jumping in and giving feedback, but I can also very easily be the person in the room who’s sitting back and watching the body language and reading between the lines and listening to somebody give an idea and then shut down because maybe their idea was rejected and they didn’t feel that they wanted to really press that idea or share the backup context that would help others see their idea. So, I’m kind of more of the observer and I’m weaving in the development pieces that go along with that.

Ben: Well, that’s awesome. So you mentioned that your strength of being able to listen and I think observe–I mean that is one of the strengths of introverts in general are supposed to be, and clearly, talking about how you’re leveraging that in terms of the culture change work. What else do you believe to be your biggest strengths? So how are you leveraging the StrengthsFinders?

Roxy: I think when I first found out what they were, it was a kind of disbelief. I didn’t quite understand what they were. And then over time, as somebody gave me a little plaque and they were sitting on my shelf, I’m at my desk and over time, as I would see them on a daily basis, and I would look back to what the definitions were, I started to realize that I had tendencies that explained why those were my strengths. So the F and I think by order, the first strength is Strategic. For me, when I come up with ideas or when I give answers to solve problems, it’s not always a fix for today. It’s a longer term fix or it’s something where I’m thinking I’m trying to pull in all the information that I have to make the smartest decision or the decision that’s gonna enter you no longer test of time.

Roxy: For me, the strategic definitely shows up, and sometimes I have to warn people, “Just FYI, I’m strategic. Sorry, if I’m jumping ahead.” And then also Learner and Input are two of my strengths. I’m so Learner. You’ve probably heard me talking about how I love to read. I average a book a week, and I just can’t get enough, right? I love learning new things. I find myself putting myself in awkward, uncomfortable, new positions in order to learn new things. And the Input, I just want to gather as much input as I can about something. And that’s part of the Strategic, a strength, the need there to fill all the input in order to make those decisions, But it’s also part of the Maximizer. So that’s another strength, once I learn all this content and I pull in all this input, I want to be able to maximize it.

I love learning new things. I find myself putting myself in awkward, uncomfortable, new positions in order to learn new things. Roxy Click To Tweet

Roxy: I want to be able to tell everyone about it and help them connect with it. And I just gave away the fifth strength which is Connectedness. And so I do–I see connection in everything and value in everything. And when I have that connection and that value in everything, it’s inspiring, it’s motivating, it’s uplifting. So I try to see the connection or value in every interaction and something–I actually just started this week. A few weeks ago I had recommended to someone I was talking to, to start a gratitude journal, and that’s a popular thing. A lot of people are doing it. I tried it myself and it just–the well kept running dry, right? And it sounds horrible, but it was more of a, at the end of the day make sure you do your gratitude. And I was like, “Oh, I’m thankful for my family.” It was kind of growing repetitive, but this person had a specific need and she was feeling really down, and I said, “Hey, have you tried this?”

Roxy: And so I was thinking about it and I was thinking back to me, back to my “why,” my vision and all that makes me happy–is being the brightest part of someone’s day. And I know that sounds corny, but like–and it’s not a difficult goal to reach–but at the end of the day, if I can look backwards and say I made someone smile today, or I brought some relief to someone, or I helped someone, or, you know “fill in the blank,” that I help influence or positively impact that person in some small way, then I’ve fulfilled my day. Like that’s it, right? So I shifted the journal from Gratitude to “That’s my Purpose.” And if I–and any goal–this is my recommendation to anyone. If you have a goal or something you’re trying to accomplish, if you can dedicate that much time every day towards that goal, you will reach that goal.

My vision and all that makes me happy--is being the brightest part of someone's day. Roxy Click To Tweet

At the end of the day, if I can look backwards and say I made someone smile today, or I brought some relief to someone, that I help influence or positively impact that person in some small way, then I've fulfilled my day. Roxy Click To Tweet

Roxy: And so for me it was, it was just a happy reminder of if you look backwards on your day. You’re going to see that you’re naturally helping. You’re naturally doing these things, bringing some sort of positive light into–anyone, whether it’s personal, family, work, anything–it could be the cashier at the register for all I know, if I just smile and say, Have a good day.” And they perk up. That’s–that’s awesome for me. As I started doing that journal and I found while journaling, the strengths were shining through in those examples again, and I was like, “Whoa! There it is again–those, those strengths.” That connection, finding myself at a place for a reason.

Roxy: Maybe I went to the estate sale and didn’t buy anything. And someone might look at that and say, “Oh, what a waste of time. You went there, you spent the money on the gas, and you didn’t buy anything.” Well, I like to look at the actual connection I had. Someone there was moving a table and nobody was helping her. So I offered to help and she said, “I’m 75 years old. I don’t know what I was thinking by trying to carry this table.” And that was it. That was that little interaction. We put the table in her car and she left, and I heard her telling someone on her way out that, “Oh, that nice young lady. They’re at the end of the line, helped me with the table.” Of course, I don’t know why no one else helped her, but that was it. Like I was meant to be there for that purpose and that was the brightest part of my day. But, I feel like it’s very important for us to recognize those strengths and leverage them, whether it be for your work or your fulfillment. If you’re missing one of them, you’ll notice it. You’ll not feel that you have that connection or that purpose.

It's very important for us to recognize your strengths and leverage them, be it for your work or your fulfillment. If you're missing one of them, you'll notice. You'll not feel that you have that connection or that purpose. Roxy Click To Tweet

Ben: What’s interesting is that you talked about “at the end of the day.” My thoughts immediately leapt to the song in Les Miserables, which talks about “At the end of the day, you’re another day older,” but it’s  almost all negative. It’s like there’s nothing. It’s just kinda the end of the day. It talks about “one day less to be living.” It’s not a positive song. But to hear you talking about this, it’s such a different and refreshing way to approach life in terms of you go to an event, you go to something that says an estate sale. You didn’t see anything you wanted to buy, but you found a way to have an impact on someone’s life. And I think that you have a gift there that many of us–it just doesn’t necessarily even occur to us. And “Oh, I went to the sale, I didn’t find anything and somebody was struggling with a table, and I should have helped them with the table” sort of thing, instead of jumping up there and making a difference for someone.

Ben: And I think this idea of being the brightest part of someone’s day is–it’s pretty amazing and it’s pretty humbling when you’re able to do that as well. So I think it’s a very, very cool thing. I’m always struck when I talk with you about how intentional you are in the way you approach these various things. We were talking briefly last week even in terms of ensuring that you’re exposing yourself to musical genres that you don’t really prefer, but you want to understand why other–why they’re popular and why certain songs that people appreciate them and I just find it really interesting because you have this intentionality that I don’t honestly believe that most of us do. I think many of us kind of go through our day and we look back on our day and well, it was another day, but the idea of really not–it’s not–you’re not talking about being the bright spot of one person’s day. You’re talking about being the bright spot of each person that you encounter during the day and it’s such a different credo in a sense of a way to live. Then I think it’s a very positive, obviously a positive example for us.

Extras

Organizational culture is a big deal and can have a direct impact on innovation. I read Daniel Coyle, The Culture Code: the Secrets of Highly Successful Groups earlier this year as part of the Next Big Idea Book Club (10% off subscription). I highly recommend both! Ben


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Roxy Greninger

Episode 015: Roxy Greninger–Growing Your Circle

Category:introversion,Introverted Leadership,introverts,Podcast,STC,STC Rochester

Episode 015 Show Notes: Roxy Greninger

Introduction

Roxy Greninger

Roxy Greninger and Ben Woelk discuss Roxy’s work with Growing Your Circle and her experience at Spectrum 2018 of finding her tribe.  

Key concepts

  • Grow Your Circle
  • Outgoing introverts
  • Unexpected benefits of attending a conference

Quotable

I think that people don’t always have a clear definition of what an introvert is. So if you ask just a random person, what would they picture? They picture someone who’s quiet, maybe shy, definitely afraid of public speaking, and that’s not the case for me.

“What are you doing on this planet? What do you want to leave behind or how do you want to be remembered?” And you kind of start to ask yourself more thought-provoking questions around that. What are your strengths? And then you build upon that circle. So you are at the center of your circle, and then the people that surround you are the various layers of that circle, and the influence that they have on you.

So many people came up and talked to me afterwards and really talked to me during the course of the conference, that I started to get an understanding how important it was for introverts to understand that they were okay. There was nothing wrong with them for being introverts, but also to understand that there were more of them, that there was a sense of tribal group, or a circle in some ways as well.–Ben

Think about different people and the influence that they have on your circle, it could come and go. You could see them once a year, you could see them once in your lifetime, but they leave that resonating impact on that ring of your circle.

By all accounts, we want to be different, we want to be unique, but it’s wired into us to find similarities and develop our tribe. It’s a safety mechanism. It’s just natural that you want to feel similar to others, and not be the outsider.

Resources or Products Mentioned in this Episode

Links

Transcript

Ben:  Joining us today is Roxy Greninger. Roxy Works for Excellus Blue Cross Blue Shield as a Culture Program Consultant. Roxy describes herself as Texas-born, Oregon-raised, and New York-refined. I met Roxy at the STC Rochester Spectrum Conference where she presented on Growing Your Circle. Roxy has since joined the Society for Technical Communication and is co-Vice President and 2019 Spectrum Conference co-chair. Roxy was also the catalyst for starting the Hope for the Introvert podcast, but we’ll talk about that a bit later. Roxy blogs at www.RoxyLorraine.Com. You can contact Roxy on Linkedin or at RoxyLorraine@Gmail.com.

Ben: Hi Roxy. I’m so excited you’re joining us today. We’ve had some fascinating and far ranging conversations and I look forward to seeing where we go today.

Roxy: Hey Ben. Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be on Hope for the Introvert.

Ben: Absolutely! So Roxy, you’ve mentioned to me that people are often surprised that you’re an introvert. Why is that?

Roxy: I think that people don’t always have a clear definition of what an introvert is. So if you ask just a random person, what would they picture? They picture someone who’s quiet, maybe shy, definitely afraid of public speaking, and that’s not the case for me. So I call myself an outgoing introvert. So for me it’s more–I love being around people, I love talking to people, but it doesn’t give me a charge. It actually drains me. So at the end of the day I need to be kind to myself and have some quiet time for reflection or artwork. Just recharging really. I’d call it recharge my batteries.

People don't always have a clear definition of what an introvert is. What would a random person picture? They picture someone who's quiet, maybe shy, definitely afraid of public speaking, and that's not the case for me.--Roxy Click To Tweet

Ben: Yeah. And that’s pretty typical for an introvert. Needing that time to recharge. It seems to be THE thing that makes a difference between extroverts and introverts. So when did you actually discover or decide that you were an introvert and how did that make you feel? What has the journey been like?

Roxy: It was about eight years ago during an Art of Leadership workshop here at Excellus, and during that time we took a number of assessments to learn about ourselves, which I found to be the most beneficial activity I’ve ever done. You would think, after 30 some odd years, you know yourself, but you really don’t. And having done that assessment, we learned if we were an introvert or an extrovert, our communication styles, which was also very helpful. And our strengths, right? So we use the five Strengths–StrengthsFinders 2.0 to learn about ourselves and how we work with others. So for me it was very affirming to know that I was an introvert, and that I wasn’t weird or that there was something wrong with me, if you will, that I felt so tired or a little withdrawn after extensive periods of time with people. And also to realize that there were other people like me was very affirming.

Ben: Well, that’s awesome.

Roxy:The affirmation that being–finding out that you’re an introvert–has on you, and anytime that I’m sure you, having led presentations on introversion, you’ll probably find or recognize that people come up to you afterwards and say, “Wow! That really meant something to me.” And being in a room full of other people who are similar is so important. Some of my favorite readings are just based on human behavior and why we have that need to feel the same. We by all accounts, we want to be different, we want to be unique, but it’s wired into us to find similarities and develop our tribe. It’s a safety mechanism. It’s just natural that you want to feel similar to others, and not be the outsider.

By all accounts, we want to be different, we want to be unique, but it's wired into us to find similarities and develop our tribe.--Roxy Greninger Click To Tweet

Ben: Yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense. And it’s interesting because I first presented on introversion–I first presented several years ago with a friend of mine–but I presented on it back in the spring of 2016 and I had that same experience that you’re talking about. So many people came up and talked to me afterwards and really talked to me during the course of the conference, that I started to get an understanding how important it was for introverts to understand that they were okay. There was nothing wrong with them for being introverts, but also to understand that there were more of them, that there was a sense of tribal group, or a circle in some ways as well.

So many people came up and talked to me afterwards and really talked to me during the course of the conference, that I started to get an understanding how important it was for introverts to understand that they were okay. Click To Tweet

Ben: Now, when you spoke at Spectrum, you actually spoke during our leadership program and you spoke on Grow Your Circle, which is something that you’ve been working on. Can you talk a little bit about that? It was very well received by the attendees at the conference and I think it would be exciting for them to know what you’re working on.

Roxy: Yeah. I’m fascinated again, by development of people. I’m starting with myself back in 2010. So this idea came to me when we talk about developing your–growing your tribe. (Building your tribe is, I think, one saying in the community.) Networking is another term that people use. And so what I started to find out about wellness and well being,  when you boil everything down, it really needs to start with you. You need to know yourself and you need to know what drives you, in order to know what motivates you, in order to succeed and feel fulfillment and purpose in this life. So when I spoke, the grow your circle is just that you start with you and you ask yourself, it sounds like an easy question, but it’s a really hard question to answer…

Roxy: “What are you doing on this planet? What do you want to leave behind or how do you want to be remembered?” And you kind of start to ask yourself more thought-provoking questions around that. What are your strengths? And then you build upon that circle. So you are at the center of your circle, and then the people that surround you are the various layers of that circle, and the influence that they have on you. So you’ve got another ring of of emotional and physical, which is met by–you have doctors and specialists that are helping with your physical well being. Maybe you have a fitness coach, you’ve got emotional support from your parents, from your siblings, your family, and others. And then there’s another layer of the ring which is career and financial stability, which aren’t necessarily the same, but they certainly can go hand in hand whether you’re self employed or employed by someone else. And whether you’re wealthy or not wealthy, it’s your comfort level with your financial situation, your financial wellness.

What are you doing on this planet? What do you want to leave behind or how do you want to be remembered? Click To Tweet

Roxy: The final ring is social and community. And that’s the biggest ring. That’s where your friends are. That’s where your neighbors are. So when you think about different people and the influence that they have on your circle, it could come and go. You could see them once a year, you could see them once in your lifetime, but they leave that resonating impact on that ring of your circle. It’s also important to think about if you’re trying to hang on to people in your circle because you feel like you’re required to or obligated to. Are they really helping or having a positive influence on you, or are you able to just say they’ve brought me joy and, and maybe your paths–it’s time to part ways, right?

Think about different people and the influence that they have on your circle, it could come and go. You could see them once a year, you could see them once in your lifetime, but they leave that resonating impact on that ring of your… Click To Tweet

Roxy:  So that’s really helpful when you have that circle fully developed. You’re able to maximize your potential. And other people struggle with adding more folks to their circle. Right? So what I spoke about at the conference was there are other ways to grow your circle. You can follow a favorite author or celebrity and they influence you, right? So if you watch TV or if you read books,  or if you follow a celebrity on social media, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, they buy a product and you find yourself buying a product, you better bet you’re being influenced by them. It’s things like that to think about who’s influencing you and is it a positive influence, is it an influence towards your purpose and what you’re trying to accomplish in this life and it’s going to fluctuate.

Ben: You know, I love the idea of the resonating impact. It could be for good or for bad as well.

Roxy: Absolutely!

Ben: But it’s really interesting thinking about just that ongoing sound. Essentially you are having an impact in your life because they’ve–hard to find the words around this, and I think of it more of a pebble. Throwing the pebble in the water and the ripples spreading out. But this is more of the sense of they’ve struck the bell and the peal just kind of continues for awhile.

Roxy: Absolutely!

Ben: So I think it’s a pretty cool analogy and an interesting way to look at it.

Roxy: It’s very helpful to realize that this is not limited to the work life or the personal life, right? This is you. This is your circle. This is 24/7. I think a lot of development programs focus on you within the walls of your workplace or they focus on, you know, self help you outside the workplace. And that’s where they fall short, that you’re not looking at your overall self. And a lot of people are in an unhealthy situation, whether it’s mentally unhealthy or physically unhealthy. They’re working themselves so hard that they’re finding that they have heart disease or stress or anxiety, and all these things, you know catch up to you. And I think in the presentation I referenced, just like when you’re on the airplane and the flight attendant tells you that you have to put your mask on yourself first. If you want to help anybody else, you really do.

Roxy:That rings true with grow your circle. Like you need to look at yourself first and not think about, you know, what decisions you’ve made that have been influenced by, let’s say your parents, right? That’s sometimes the hardest one because they’re your parents, or other influencers like your boss–are you doing work that you love doing or are the assignments that you’re doing, you’re doing them because that’s what you’re being told to do? Or do you feel that you are bringing a passion and meaning to purpose? To the world? So that’s where people get hung up in they find a little depression or demotivation with particular jobs. And that for me overlaps with my work at Excellus, which is why I love thinking about these things outside of the workplace as well as inside the workplace.

Ben: I felt like it was a very well received presentation and it’s funny because I connected with you at the conference and we did a follow-up conversation later. There just seems to be so much of interest to discuss together. But, you’ve also stepped into a leadership role in an organization that you had not had any real familiarity with prior to that. And I’m curious about why you agreed to do that.

Roxy: Yeah. I was–I was shocked. I didn’t know that STC was a thing [laughing]. So I was–I was delighted. I was asked by one of the other co-chairs if I had some content that I’d be willing to present, and I was kind of excited to try and be given the opportunity to try something new, try some content that I hadn’t presented before and this was that opportunity. And after the presentation, I admittedly was kind of surprised there weren’t a lot of questions in the room, but I should have guessed that it was probably primarily a room full of introverts. Each one of those guests came up to me afterwards to say in which ways the presentation connected with them and/or resonated with them. And I was blown away and I’m just shocked that I didn’t know that the Society for Technical Communication existed.

Roxy: And as I had the opportunity to sit through the different presenters, they were speaking my language, they’re reading the same books that I read and they’re talking about technologies that I’m interested in. Sometimes I find myself in a situation at work where my colleagues–they appreciate that I read as much as I do or that I have information about new technology coming out. But you know, that that’s me. They look to me and say, “That’s great. That’s Roxy.” But here’s a whole bunch of Roxy’s, right? I mean, it was–it was unique. We’re all different, you know, it was, it was fulfilling and it was energizing to be with people that had another layer of similarities and wanted to connect with me.

Roxy, I think I had like 20 LinkedIn requests the first day and it’s such a diverse group of people that I just walked away feeling tired, yes, from being around people, but also very energized by, you know, the amount of input and I’m learning that those are a few of my strengths out of the five strengths. So for me that fulfilled a piece of my strengths, that I look for. And so when it was brought to my attention that there was an opportunity to be a leader in the role, I–I hesitated at first because I don’t want to just jump in and have too many things that I’m juggling, but I really thought that I might be able to bring a different perspective and diversify the chapter thinking a little bit, because I do have a marketing background. I’m not a traditional technical writer. I’ve written documentation for our company– training documentation. I do have an IT degree but I’m not in an IT role now. So I thought that that would bring a different perspective to the chapter and the way we do things and maybe just help lead some positive change.

Ben: Yeah, I think there’s some great opportunities there and it’s funny you talk about how you were energized being around the people and still very tired at the end of the day from doing that. But that’s kind of been my experience with this organization and another organization I’m involved with, that as I’ve established relationships, the opportunity to essentially hang out with that group of people is just great and I find that I don’t want to give that up, and I end up being totally, totally exhausted by the time I finally do. But it’s one of those things, It’s probably not the right analogy, but a candle can only burn brightly for so long and then you need to–really terrible analogy, and that it needs to rest for awhile–which again, terrible analogy. So we’re replacing the wick, whatever you want to call it, needs both. Obviously. a flashlight needs to recharge the batteries and that’s the introvert analogy that usually works with that!

Extras

Grow Your Circle Presentation

Grow Your Circle diagram


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